You know you are in Christchurch when.........

Courtesy of today's Dominion Post.
Geonet or ChristchurchQuakeMap is your homepage
The rest of the country offers you a place to stay
Munted and buggered are official technical terms
You go "pfffff" when Wellington has a 4.5 earthquake thats 40km deep
You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point
You sleep in one suburb, shower in another and collect water from yet another
You drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it's wrong
You are happy two police officers came to visit
Your bike becomes your best friend
You think it is fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street
You see armoured vehicles driving down the road
It's normal to greet people with "do you need a shower?"
Every house is a crack house
Instead of rushing to the clothesline to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope it will rain enough to clean them
Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense
You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed - and not to keep the kids out
You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it
You think electronics that have "shock proof" should say to which earthquake magnitude
Your en-suite has a veggie garden dog kennel and grass
Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents
Dressing up to "head into town" means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots
Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm
Voluntarily staying in Timaru for 5 days seems like a good idea
You have dust mask tan lines
When a massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude, instead of calling the police. And what's more they leave the street in better condition than when they arrived.
The answer to where anything is "it's on the floor"